Articles, Blog

I have 4 children, but soccer is more important. [Hello Counselor/ENG, THA/2019.04.08]

December 3, 2019

“A Kicking Concern.” I need a husband from Mokpo. Will you marry me? (The white hoodie couple) Sit over here. Right here. Hello. I have 3 daughters and a 6-month-old son. But I’m only in my 30s. I had my kids early. But there’s one thing my husband does that drives me crazy. “Dear, you’re going again today?” “I have to.” “But it’s raining outside.” “I have to go!” You sounded so manly. You made your voice sound so deep. “But there’s a heat wave today. You’re still going?” (He squints his eyes) I just read this line. You’re on this line. My eyes… You can’t really see? Want my glasses? These should help you see. They’ll improve your vision. I can see now. Let’s start from here. You can see now, right? “Come on! There’s a heat wave today.” “Then I should go out and play today!” My husband is always going out to play soccer. It’s always soccer, soccer, soccer. I want to rip apart all the soccer balls in the world. (Like this?) Ring, ring. “Dear, our kid has her talent show. Where are you?” “I’m playing soccer.” “Don’t make excuses today.” “I know you don’t have a game today. You have no games.” “I have admin work to do for the soccer league.” Oh, boy… The more kids we have, the more time he spends on soccer. Even the moment I had my fourth child. The moment she had him? That’s pretty bad. “I think I have to go.” “I just gave birth. Where are you going?” “It’s not like I gave birth.” (Unbelievable) (Someone, tell us that’s a lie) “I’ll just go play one game of soccer.” This is making me angry. He went to play soccer after every child I had. Gosh… Should I just kick my husband to the curb? That’s what she wrote to us. You were acting, but what made you angry? – As a man… / – All of it. But I’ve been in a baseball league for 30 years. I skip days when I shouldn’t go. And I used to always take my daughter to my games. I bet that was hard on your daughter. (Oops…) Let’s bring this person in. (A mother of 4 with a soccer-obsessed husband!) (She looks so young!) (Park Sua) What a surprise. She looks so young yet has 4 kids. – Yeah. / – Welcome. You’re really a mother of 4 children? Yes. I have a 10-year-old, a 9-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 6-month-old. How old were you when you got married? I got married at 23. That’s how I spent my 20s. My husband has been playing soccer for 10 years. Before I had my fourth child, he promised he’d change and help out more. But he still goes to play soccer. I bet Dongyeob has a question about this. (Time for my question!) He’s so busy and obsessed with soccer, yet you keep having kids. (Why do you keep having kids?) We planned on having 3 kids. Our 4th child was unplanned. What happened on that day? (Why would you ask that?) How much does he play soccer? He basically plays all week long. – Not just on weekends? / – Right. He plays soccer on the weekdays after working late. He’s out all day on the weekends. Does he have a job related to soccer? No. His job is completely unrelated to soccer. He works at a hospital. – It’s an office job. / – That’s totally unrelated. Yes, it’s totally unrelated. There’s a soccer club at the hospital and he’s part of a different team. He’s a coach too. And he’s also a board member in the league. He’s totally obsessed. So he doesn’t have much time for us. When I played your husband earlier… He went to go play when you were giving birth? No, after I gave birth. Right after. You refer to your husband formally. He plays soccer avidly. He serves as a board member. I don’t think he considers that. Do you always refer to him like that? I refer to him formally outside our home. – Always? / – Yes. But at home… “Hey, you.” So you’re just being polite since you’re out now? When he says he’s going out to play soccer… – When you’re angry. / – When you’re angry. Why not take more drastic measures? I’ve left home once. But I couldn’t stay out long because of my kids. How could he be so bold about it? Let’s meet this bold husband. This is ridiculous. Let’s talk to him now. Mokpo husband. (All this guy cares about is soccer?) He looks like a good soccer player. So you heard all that. Do you understand your wife? I feel bad that she has to raise 4 kids. But I wish she could be more understanding of me. Soccer is therapeutic for me. What do you want her to be understanding of? About me playing soccer. But you play so often. There are a lot of people like me – in Mokpo, Jeolla-do. / – A lot? There are many men in Mokpo with 4 kids that play soccer all week long? Did you or did you not promise to help out more? I did… Then why didn’t you keep your promise? I’m the chairman in my soccer league. I’m also a coach for the Mokpo team. We have 33 teams in the Mokpo league with around 1,500 members that I manage. I do all the admin work for our league. Also, I can’t say no when the head chairman asks me to do this stuff. (Sigh…) Yet you refuse when your wife asks for something. Why can’t you say no to your league? I’m good at saying no when it’s my wife. That’s true… At least you admit it. This is part of my social life. I see it as the foundation of my friendships. What do you think you gain from being so active in that league? I got my wife a job running a coffee shop. And I stop by with the members for coffee. (Pfft!) You bring the league members to drink coffee? (Oh, come on) Do the members help with the sales? No. (Of course that isn’t helpful) When he shows up with his colleagues because of soccer… He’s like, “Bring us some coffee.” And I give them coffee for free. – Without payment? / – For free? Why would she charge my colleagues? (Disbelief) They should help raise her sales. (About to lose her respect for him) So do you have a job too? I have 4 kids, so I started working to help out any way I can. Whenever I’m tired after work my husband says, “Try making as much as I do.” – He said that to you? / – Yes. You actually said that to her? When we fight and she tells me to watch the kids, I tell her she should earn as much as I do. What’s wrong with that? (How frustrating!) I’m sure he spends a lot going out like that. He spends $500 to $700 on food and alcohol. – Just on himself? / – Yes. One time he bought $700 soccer cleats. $700 cleats… Sometimes I think he has lost his mind. Let me explain that. A lot of people like soccer cleats more than I do. In Mokpo. In Mokpo… $700 on cleats is nothing in Mokpo? Yes, that’s nothing. I didn’t even… Keep going. I didn’t spend that much for food and alcohol. As a coach, I have to manage my players. I have to take them out for dinner and drinks. That way they’ll come out to play on Sundays. Your wife says your credit card bill is $700 a month. How much is the most you’ve spent when using the card yourself? I don’t use my credit card. – I pay in cash. / – Cash? Around $1,500 to $2,000. (This generous coach spends $1,500 to $2,000) Did you know about this? No, I didn’t know he spent that much. Where do you get the cash from? Behind my wife’s back… In secret? He has a secret stash. Didn’t you feel bad going to play soccer right after your wife gave birth? Of course I felt bad. That makes me angrier. He admits to everything. He just speaks his mind. Of course he felt bad. I did feel bad… But I was in a great mood. I wanted to go tell everyone. “I just had a kid.” That’s why I went to play soccer. “I just had a kid! Time to go play soccer!” Like that? It’s not like that. There really wasn’t a need for me to be there. (I didn’t need to be there) A husband should stay by his wife’s side. You shouldn’t say you weren’t needed there. “I’m not the one that gave birth.” Did you really say that to her? It’s not like you were going to work. That’s not true. – It isn’t? / – Yes. He didn’t say, “I’m not the one that gave birth.” He said it should be alright for him to leave since he didn’t give birth. – Since he didn’t give birth. / – Right. That’s the same thing. – That’s the same thing. / – Right. “I didn’t give birth.” Did you really say that? Yes. How could you say something so mean? Does he help out with the kids when he doesn’t play soccer? She wanted to ask that so badly she cut me off. You didn’t even let him answer, Eunbi. – I got angry. / – You were just angry, right? Punch your pillow. (This is the best way for venting) Yeah, you need to vent your frustrations. Eunbi, go. Does he watch the kids at home? He does… With just his eyes. He simply observes them. His eyes do all the watching. When my husband gets home, I tell him to watch the kids while I take a shower. Not even 10 minutes later, he’ll burst into the bathroom with one of the kids while I’m showering if they start crying. He opens the door while I’m showering. He can’t even watch the kids for 10 minutes? (Embarrassed) Let’s meet the kids. Oldest daughter. Does your dad play with you guys, Soyeon? No. Do you want to play soccer with your dad? No. I hate soccer. Then what do you want to do with your dad? With my dad? I don’t want to do anything with him. It feels awkward with my dad. He isn’t home often. It’s awkward because he’s never at home. Already at only 10 years old… Soyeon, have you ever told your dad not to go out and play soccer? Yes, a lot of times. And what did your dad say each time? He says he has to go. And he leaves. It’s not like he’s called on to serve the nation. When were you the most upset with your dad? When he’s on his phone all the time at home and tells me to watch my siblings. Your siblings? She’s only 10 years old… (How could he ask a kid to do that?) Let’s talk to the second daughter. Hi! – Hello. / – Hello. You don’t have to talk like that. So when were you the most upset with your dad? When he won’t play with me. When he won’t play with you. He’s always on his phone… He’s on his phone at home and won’t play with you? Yes. Do you want to play soccer with your dad? Yes. Really? She still enjoys soccer. Have you ever seen your dad play soccer? Yes. – Is he good? / – Yes. – He’s good? / – Yes! (Yes, my dad is good at soccer) Oldest daughter, have you ever seen him play soccer? – Yes. / – Is he good? No. (Totally the opposite!) Is your dad good at soccer? Yes. So cute… Oldest daughter. Is your dad good at soccer? No. Is your dad good at soccer? No. Do you have separate dads? What’s going on? – How can we confirm this? / – Yeah, how… Can we see a little demo? We can have him dribble a ball. I’m not that good… – All of a sudden? / – I’m not good. Come on stage. Show us. (Welcome to the Hello Counselor league) Face forward. (He starts juggling right away!) (It’s second nature to him) 4, 5, 6… (He’s been in his soccer league for 18 years!) (Wow, Dad is so good) (His body reacts instinctively to the ball) That’s pretty good. Try something else. Let me try to steal the ball. Get past me. (Get past Taegyun!) (Will he do it?) (Easily) (That move looked familiar) (It’s the way Messi dribbles) (Nobody can stop me) (Wow) (That was nothing) (Sheesh) You’re always practicing your moves… Tell us about your girls. What’s the oldest good at, and what’s the second one good at? Do you know a lot about your kids? My oldest… She manages well on her own. What about your second girl? She’s a bit more high-maintenance. Be more specific. Tell us about your daughters. What do you think your oldest wants for a birthday present? Books. She asks for books. – She likes books. / – yes. Soyeon, what do you want from daddy? A slime monster. It’s a slime monster… (Sheesh, daddy) (Kids love slime monsters) Then what does your second daughter want? She likes toys. What kind of toy? Dolls. Hold on. Did you see her face? She was like, “I’m too old for toys.” (Her disappointed face says it all) So cute! (This isn’t easy) Alright, let’s get more serious. What’s your oldest daughter’s dream? To be a teacher. How about your second daughter? A doctor? Oldest daughter, what’s the answer? Tell us. I want to be a crime scene investigator. Second daughter, how about you? A chef! – Wrong, Daddy! / – You were wrong about both. (What a bad father…) (Sheesh, how frustrating…) You’re in 3 soccer leagues for the connections. You even do the administrative tasks. Is someone here to speak on your behalf? Most likely. It’s Sunday today. My buddy was supposed to come today. – But they’re all playing soccer? / – Yes. Do you have anyone to speak on your behalf? My younger sister. – Your sister? / – Yes. Do you feel bad for your older sister? Yes, I feel bad for her. She got married at a young age. I always regret that I didn’t try to stop her. My brother-in-law is young, but he’s a bit old-fashioned. My sister and my nieces have long hair. He won’t let them cut their hair. – My gosh… / – Why? He thinks men and women should be a certain way. Geez, give me a break. He won’t let them cut their hair. He won’t let them wear skirts above the knees. If my sister tries to wear something see-through… “What are you wearing? Get changed immediately.” He says that. (Getting worse the more we hear) How about housework? I told him that he should help out around the house, but he said that’s a woman’s job. That’s what he said. (I just don’t get this guy) – Really? / – Yes. Then… Geez… I have to ask because I can’t believe my ears. – Sir. / – Yes. Why do all girls have to have long hair? A girl isn’t a girl unless she has long hair. (Please, Dad) (Such an outdated thing to say) (Things suddenly get tense) (Why, I ought to…) I bet you hated seeing Ahn Junghwan play soccer with long hair. (Do you want to get kicked?) (Nice one, Yeongja) Do you think of yourself as a square? About your views on men and women… In society… I don’t discriminate. But I’m the head of my household. But you’re never at home. But still… The bread winner is a family-man loser. (The bread winner is family-man loser) I don’t know much about soccer. But soccer has old styles and modern styles. I heard the techniques and strategy change often. It changes every era. It changes every year. Sometimes it’s all about defense. You can’t win games if you play the old way, right? Yes… That’s why I’m asking you that. Even with soccer, you have to give up the old ways and adapt to the new to win games. Why is your thinking so old-fashioned for people? You’re living in a modern era. (Why are you so old-fashioned?) Oh… You make changes for soccer. That really surprises me about you. (She has a point) We can all endure hardships mutually. But it’s not right to be so selfish and make another accept your way of thinking. What would you like your husband to do? How do you want him to change? I know he’s not going to quit playing soccer even if I ask him to. I know he’ll keep playing. But our youngest was born not long ago. Just tell him honestly what you want. Just twice a week. – Spend time twice a week with the family? / – Yes. (She really isn’t asking for much) How does that sound? Your wife is asking you. The reason I’m hesitating is because after a day of work at the hospital, I come home the next day. (Making a long excuse) We’ll give you some time to reply then. This is pretty sudden. But before you make a decision, I’ll let your wife speak her mind. Honey… I know you’ve tried your best… To be a father over the last 10 years. (She ends up teary-eyed) She’s really held it in. It’s been hard on you. But our kids are still young. (Her kids are her first priority) So spend some more time with them. Make more memories with them. So if you can cut down on your hobby, I’d really appreciate that. (Applause to encourage the mother) (It makes me sad when my mom cries) You said you can’t say no to others, so here it is. Spend two days a week with your family. Start. Two days… A week! One more time. Two days… A week! You said yourself that you can’t say no to others. Alright, what’s your decision? I… (Fixated on the husband) I promise to help out around the house and watch the kids more. (Is he really going to change?) So how about I spend one day a week with the family? (He hasn’t come around yet) (Second daughter is disappointed) We’re not going to let this end here. We won’t let you go home. – She even cried before. / – Yes. I’ve been in a baseball league for 30 years. This is my advice to you. You’re worrying all alone that your team can’t run without you. The rest of them don’t worry so much about that. Someone else can be chairman if you don’t do it. And be a coach… The team will be fine even if you miss a day. But a family without the head of the household is a ship without a captain. What do you think? Are we asking too much? I’ll stay home on Tuesdays. I’ll come straight home from work no matter what. (So he’ll only leave one day free?) And I’ll try to come home earlier on weekends to spend time with the kids and take them out. – You’ll spend time with your family? / – Yes. Alright then. (We hope he’ll keep to his promise) Let’s start with Giant Pink. It’s a concern. (Minju thinks it’s a concern!) As for me, I’m not married yet… You scared us! We thought you were going to say you’re married! We thought it was, “As someone who’s married…” – You startled us. / – I’m not… But if I were your daughter, I know I’d remember this when I’m older. So spend some more time with your kids and try to focus more on your wife. At least twice a week, you should spend time with your family. I really don’t understand how you can’t say no to others, but you don’t obey your own wife. I just don’t get that. If you think it’s been hard on her for the last 10 years, please press the button! (Please send your concerns to our website) Time’s up! Show us how many votes she got. – “A kicking concern.” / – I bet it’s a big number. Of course it’s over 100 votes. 151? 161? 161! (161 votes)

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  • Reply chanyeol’s dimples April 18, 2019 at 3:08 am

    I get so triggered watching these type of videos. That woman should get a divorce. He's not gonna change. He can't use "soccer" as an excuse for not spending time with his family. He has four beautiful children and he should make use of that. Children aren't going to be children forever, and before they hold a grudge towards him, he should definitely fix whatever the heck he is doing.

  • Reply Rita April 18, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    I know she's enduring this because of their kids, she's so brave tbh I would've divorced a man like this, I hope he can change

  • Reply elle b April 19, 2019 at 8:39 pm

    I keep comparing this guy to Lee Donggook and I am quite disappointed

  • Reply april00026000 April 20, 2019 at 7:25 am

    Yeah … time to throw the whole husband away

  • Reply Astro, the multi-talented gAyS April 20, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    As a coach, he can manage his team. Doing his role.

    But as a father and a husband, he hasn't fulfilled what his truly role is, be a lead and be part of the family.

  • Reply Megan Armstrong April 21, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    Girl leave him

  • Reply Nurfitri April 24, 2019 at 9:35 am

    Mohon maap ni yak , gak tahan mau ngerant tapi pake bahasa indo aja biar gampang wkwkwkwk ni suaminya cuma bisa netnot bikin anak doank tapi kaga ada tanggung jawabnya samsek udah pikirannya masih kek orang dijaman jahiliyah njaay. etdah pengen gua berkata kasar tapi ah.. sudahlah

  • Reply Grinch April 25, 2019 at 8:48 am

    I've never wished harder for Jessi to be on an episode of Hello Counselor. She would've fought that husband on TV, to be honest.

  • Reply LittlePeculiarThings April 26, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    He looks a bit like Thanos …

  • Reply Adeni Send April 27, 2019 at 3:51 am

    Sis… the whole man? You gotta throw him out on trash day.

  • Reply yoon shi April 29, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Easy for him to said "I'm not the one who gave birth" i really hate this kind of guy 🙄

  • Reply Mist O119 May 6, 2019 at 7:32 am

    I dnt know if i got it wrong but the fathers reaction at the end, when he saw the score, i think he wants to say AWESOME! he is really something!! coz i think a high score means the situation is not good??? Correct me if am wrong….

  • Reply Chentastic May 25, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    Jeon Nomin is super sexy. I remember him from Queen Seonduk with Ko Hyunjung… 😍😍😍

  • Reply Imsocliche Oops May 28, 2019 at 11:12 pm

    Divorce his ass… I wanna say that but I know child support isn’t the most stable… I hope she figures it out though

  • Reply Alexis Playz June 7, 2019 at 8:56 pm

    A Girl has to have long hair I'm a girl and I have SHORT hair Sir if I see you disrespecting women or your family like that you gonna feel Harm and Pain
    And Why would you disrespect the women who survived birth having your four kids the least you can do is help around the house or let your wife have a break from all the work c'mon now

  • Reply Gray Kin June 14, 2019 at 6:51 pm

    every guy has their stash they hide from their wives lmao. Who has their own special pillow where they hide their money inside

  • Reply Tati June 15, 2019 at 1:39 am

    Yeah dad is cheating

  • Reply Bob Bowie June 19, 2019 at 4:04 am

    Messi hightlights!LOL

  • Reply Yajaira Salazar June 29, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    Sorry, but he low-key looks like Thanos

  • Reply ur mom July 2, 2019 at 5:59 am

    just throw the whole man away

  • Reply akatsukichik112 July 4, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    His reaction at 1:57 pretty much sums up the whole topic 😂

  • Reply Kassandra Rodriguez July 6, 2019 at 3:04 am

    This dude and his rules are like my dads rules in the house with what women show do and what they shouldn’t… I rebel and do what makes me me and the sad thing is he can’t remember my siblings or my ages or our birthdays

  • Reply 케빈이 July 15, 2019 at 10:55 pm

    Divorce him! Just ask for financial support for your children. He's trash!

  • Reply Jin Liu July 26, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    Love how Youngja uses soccer to make him actually see things differently. Go Youngja!!

  • Reply Ree TheGirl July 29, 2019 at 1:44 am

    I lost my shit when he said 'one day a week'. I wanted to punch him so bad omg the wife even cried

  • Reply Barbara Gutshall July 29, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    This wife is about to get a divorce right there I mean I wouldn't blame her though

  • Reply Savana Simmons July 31, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    He gotta go kick him to the curb sis

  • Reply ClawDeeAaa August 21, 2019 at 12:44 am

    D I v o r c e

  • Reply twice once August 25, 2019 at 12:40 am

    if i were to be his wife, i wouldnt have came to Hello Counselor, i wouldve handled it myself. if he really thought he could talk freely and confidently like that, it better not be with me 🤣.

  • Reply Annalisa Norman October 26, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    This guy is such trash. He really sat there in front of his daughters and basically said that they weren’t important enough to warrant TWO DAYS a week. I cannot believe.

    Conversely, Haon is such a good and sweet boy. It really warmed my heart when he said he couldn’t understand how the husband couldn’t say no to other people, but could say no to his wife. The next generation is looking bright.

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